One Sided Polygon
by Chibizoo
Summary: Also known as "Zoo's monologue", using Yu-gi-oh as an excuse to attract unwary readers. Best read when drunk.


Author's notes:  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh.   
  
This fic is most definitely written for Audacity, thanks to the short story she sent me,   
titled "Day Million", by Frederik Pohl. -- It's done on relatively the same format :)  
  
I have degenerated. My brain is rotting away. This is because I am learning.   
  
Warning: This is done in the narrative point of view. I pity the soul who actually   
believes that this is a fanfic…  
  
********************************************  
  
"You can't help being mad. We're all mad here."  
-Cheshire Cat, "Alice in Wonderland"  
  
**************************************  
  
One-Sided Polygon  
  
  
  
Yuugi was a good person.   
  
He would get up in the mornings and brush his teeth, making sure he flossed   
afterwards. Then, he would change from his pyjamas into his daily school uniform,   
walking down the stairs quietly not to disturb his grandpa. His breakfast was eaten   
quickly and efficiently, and he would always leave his house at 8:00 to get to school   
at 8:20, exactly ten minutes before class started. There, he would talk to his friends,   
and enjoy the remainder of the day immersed in both his social and academic life.  
  
Yuugi was a promising person to society.   
  
But, you say, how do I know this is the truth?  
  
Quite simple, I'll tell you.   
  
I don't.   
  
For all that I know, Yuugi could be a rampaging, arrogant beast with sadistic   
pleasures. He hides it well, of course. No one has ever seen him beyond his shell of   
comfort and innocence, and no one has yet penetrated his meticulously created   
barriers of warmth.   
  
I cannot see it. Maybe Pegasus can, but he is not me. I cannot see Pegasus   
either, so therefore, there is only one conclusion.  
  
Yuugi is a good boy.   
  
But before I come back to this conclusion, which you will not want to hear   
again, I shall tell you a story.   
  
***************************************  
  
There was a nice boy. And his name was Ryou Bakura. Everyone liked Ryou   
because he was a nice boy.   
  
But they were wrong.   
  
Ryou isn't really a boy, you see. And Ryou isn't really nice either. In fact,   
Ryou's name isn't even Ryou. It was just a name his parents created for him on his   
day of birth, which isn't his real birthday, by the way.   
  
But this is not a story about reality. Oh, I have no control over reality, just like   
you don't, just like how Ryou doesn't, and just like how his parents did not.   
  
I see you are getting confused. Good. Perfect timing for me to elaborate on   
what I am speaking about.   
  
One day, Ryou woke up on a fine Saturday morning, and he decided to take a   
walk. The poor boy (we shall refrain from calling Ryou a girl, since you are not used   
to that, and he is not a girl) was suddenly stopped by a nameless entity living inside   
his Millennium Ring, whom we shall dub "Yami Bakura". No, I do not have a split   
personality disorder, by calling myself "we". The "we" comes from the fact that I did   
not create Yami-Bakura's name. Good? Okay, back to the story.   
  
Anyway, Ryou came to the conclusion that Yami-Bakura was blocking his   
path and that he could not go on a walk outside on this lovely day. And then, I am   
interrupted by another thought.   
  
Before I tell you about Ryou being blocked by his Yami, let me tell you about   
images.   
  
I say the name "Yami-Bakura", and a sequence of perfectly organized images   
pop into your mind. I am not blaming you for your sequence, since you need images   
for things to happen, but I am saying that you are thinking of something, even as you   
are reading this in confusion right now.   
  
I know that when I hear the name "Yami-Bakura", an image of a werewolf   
pops into my mind. Naturally, this is not your image. Your image might be a white-  
haired bishounen with a sadistic smile, or a Ryou look-alike, or a flying pony, for all   
that I care. What I am trying to say (and failing) is that you will have a different   
image from me. I cannot see what you are seeing, and you cannot see what I am   
seeing. In fact, you might not even know I had existed until now, when you are   
reading this passage and thinking "what type of crack is the author on?"   
  
But enough about me. This world is about you. This world is about what you   
think. Moreover, the world is about what you think others think about you. And   
therefore, you are nothing without people. You do not exist until people surround you   
and confirm their images of you. They will tell you many things about yourself, and   
you will nod and believe them, because you cannot make a judgement by yourself.   
And then, you will think that some people have the wrong image of you.   
  
But I am here to reassure you that they are wrong and you are right. Everyone   
sees you wrongly. You are special, and smart, and different, and a bit crazier than   
everyone else.   
  
Ha! I am making a judgement myself by saying that, and I am wrong, because   
I am not you. I am merely a face of society, and cannot see what you are.   
  
I shall now make an effort to return to my story. Yes, the story of Ryou and   
his Yami. Between the last sentence and this one, I have come upstairs, grabbed a cup   
of Sake, gulped it down in two gulps, and gone to the washroom before resuming   
typing. Naturally, you will see none of this except the fact that there was a   
punctuation mark between the end of the first sentence and the next in this paragraph.   
It will not bother you until I add all this junk and completely interrupt you from your   
train of thought once again.   
  
Ryou looked at his Yami, who was still blocking him, in suspended author-  
fiction time. His Yami had a poised, rather arrogant look to him, body slouched   
against the railing, wearing his stereotypical demonic smile.   
  
"Come to me." His Yami said, arching a finger in demand.   
  
Ryou trembled slightly, walking with shivering steps down the stairs. He knew   
that it was futile to escape his Yami, because if he tried, he would eventually be   
caught and beaten. Then again, if he obeyed his Yami, he would also be caught and   
beaten.   
  
But don't look at me with that upset face. There was a difference between the   
two options. In one of them, Ryou got to choose and oppose his Yami's demand. That   
is a major difference from just listening mindlessly to someone. Naturally, you only   
see the future, the fact that Ryou is going to get hurt, and vacantly take your mind off   
the unnecessary present-future. For what good is a present action that doesn't affect   
the future?  
  
Halfway between, Ryou stumbled on the stairs. He would have fallen head   
over heels, had his Yami suddenly not caught him in mid-fall. Unfortunately, laws of   
gravity have to be obeyed, and both Ryou and Yami-Bakura fell down the stairs in an   
ungainly thump.   
  
Now, you will cringe, and assume one of three things. One, that Yami-Bakura   
will scream at Ryou for being so clumsy, as is often common in many Ryou/Yami-  
Bakura angst fics. Second, that Yami-Bakura might actually be conscientious of poor   
Ryou, which is common in Ryou/Yami-Bakura yaoi fics. And third, you might   
assume that since the author is nuts, none of these will happen, and she will sudden   
meander off track from the course of the plot-less story.   
  
I now assure you that it is none of this. Firstly, my story does have a plot, and   
no, it doesn't involve white haired albino anime characters falling off stairs. My plot   
is a mindless succession to convert you into sarcastic, cynical replicas of me.   
Naturally, I will fail halfway in between, but that's okay, because you must be reading   
this, and it will have some impact, even if you deny it.   
  
I shall therefore make a bold statement by saying that Yami-Bakura does none   
of these things to Ryou because he is knocked unconscious.   
  
"Oh no," You think. "That's not quite correct."   
  
And I don't blame you. You're right. Usually, Ryou, the clumsy, gentle, naïve   
one, is the one who should be knocked unconscious. And then, there is the other   
problem. If Yami-Bakura is unconscious, how will the story continue?  
  
But I assure you once again that Yami-Bakura is not unconscious. You only   
think he is unconscious because you associate the word 'unconscious' with someone   
not moving, thinking, or reacting. Don't worry – he is actually doing all three at this   
very moment. It isn't until I re-address the fact that Yami-Bakura is unconscious, and   
that you think about Yami-Bakura being unconscious that you once again paint that   
image of him being so in your mind.   
  
I have decided now that Yami-Bakura is a pink elephant. He is in my mind,   
and he will not fit through the door to the ambulance. But for you sane people, who   
still see Yami-Bakura as a Ryou look-alike, you shall see Yami-Bakura fitting   
through the door and making it to the ambulance.   
  
Give yourself a pat on the head. You did it. Good job!  
  
*********************************  
  
There! I have finished my story.   
  
"What?" I hear you say. "What on earth was the moral of _that_ story?"  
  
I have bad news for you. There is no moral to this story, and you have not   
learned anything.   
  
But I shall now make an effort to comfort you.   
  
I have not learned anything either. Therefore, none of us is any better after   
reading this.   
  
Now, I shall return to my first statement, the fact that Yuugi is a good boy.   
Now, your mind will be twisted and warped enough for you to make the judgements,   
though I have done nothing to enforce this – I have simply re-stated the obvious. I see   
that some of you are giving that atypical confused look. Don't worry.   
  
All you need to know is that Yuugi and Ryou, and anyone else who made a   
debut in this story is good. Everything else that didn't make a debut is evil.   
You will argue and say that the statement is wrong. After all, it is human   
nature to defy and argue against strong, bold, statements like mine.   
  
Therefore, I shall say what I just said, but this time, I shall say I am wrong.   
Remember, I do not exist until you convince yourself so. And once I begin existing   
and implying my ideas, you must defy me by all means. See? You are defying me the   
moment I am writing this. Stop resisting!  
  
"Wait!" You argue. "This isn't a fanfic! Where's the plot line? Where's the   
author's wonderful use of descriptive language and context?"  
  
Does everything need to be so solid that it has to be put before your eyes for   
you to see it? I am writing descriptive language – just, you cannot see it. Therefore, it   
exists for me but not for you. I believe it is real. That is good enough for me.   
  
I have decided that I shall stop wasting your time. Firstly, this is not a fanfic.   
Second, this fic has no plot. Go out to the sunshine. Feel the fresh air! I shall not   
condemn you any longer. Fly! Be free! Leave!  
  
What? What are you still doing here? I just told you to leave!  
  
And no, you may not have my Yuugi plushie.   
  
***************************************  
  
End notes:   
  
One of the reasons why I'm called "Zoo" is because I take a zoo of ideas. True, I am   
not a human sponge like Audacity, but I _am_ a parrot. XD  
  
If you are a random person, and is actually deciding to click on the review button, I   
shall seriously think there is something wrong with you. I warn you now. 


End file.
